I fear we have given the next generation a false idea of leadership. Schools reinforce students as “leaders” when they are the captain of a football team or when they are elected to Student Council. The oldest students in the school are considered leaders for the younger students in the school. The winners of school spelling bees and those chosen to represent the school at a district function are leaders.
If this is the model of leadership we show children, who would not want to be a leader? These are positions that are often in the limelight.
Are we doing a disservice to children and young adults when we do not teach them to count the cost of leadership? Have we sheltered children rather than prepared children to step into true leadership positions?
A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. – John C. Maxwell
In the light of recent events in the news, I have stopped and reflected on what I am teaching my own children about leadership. Honestly, I would rather gather up my children and tuck them away somewhere safe—away from the craziness and pain that surfaces in our world.
How do I teach my own children about what it means to be a leader without also counting the cost of what I am asking them to do? It’s a tough one. Most of the time, I don’t want to count the cost of leadership. I don’t want to think about risks.
We all want our children, whether they are our own or whether they are sitting in our classrooms, to be leaders. We tell them they can all be leaders. We expect them to be leaders. But we don’t talk about the cost of leadership—and there is a cost. Leadership is hard. It’s hard for adults. How much harder is it then for children?
We need to help develop leadership in children. We need to raise up new young leaders in this generation. Leaders with new vision and new ideas about how to make our world a better place for all of us who live in it. We need to model what good leadership looks like in spite of what young people see in the media. But we also need to be honest with this generation about the cost of leadership. Not to scare them, but to prepare them.
The Cost of Leadership
When we talk about the qualities of leaders we talk about standing up for what’s right even if you are the only one. We talk about integrity—doing what’s right even when no one is looking. We talk about leading by example. We talk about noticing others’ needs and doing something without waiting for someone else to do it.
If you consistently do any of those things in your life, you will have already discovered that at one time or another it cost you something. Some leaders pay a higher price than others. The greater the impact you are trying to make, the higher the price you may have to pay.
When you think about leadership in this light, who wants to be leader?
I never thought in terms of being a leader. I thought very simply in terms of helping people. – John Hume
But I cannot imagine that Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Malala, Rosa Parks, Mother Teresa, our military, or countless other leaders would say that it wasn’t worth it. My guess is, they would all say they were doing what they felt was the right thing to do. They were serving the people around them. They knew what the potential cost was, the counted it, and knew that what they were doing was worth the cost to make a change in the world.
Here is a thought to consider. The next time you are talking about leadership or studying the life of a particular leader with young people, alongside talking about their accomplishments, why not also point out some of the other truths about leadership. Again, not to scare children, but to begin painting a truer picture of leadership for them.
I would hate for my own children to take positions of leadership and then ask me, Why didn’t you tell me there was a cost involved? What didn’t you tell me this is hard? Why didn’t you prepare me for this? We have a responsibility to prepare our children and our students well.
5 Truths to Teach Children about Leadership:
1-Leadership is hard. You will need to do things you do not want to do even though they are the right thing to do. It takes self-discipline, persistence, and strength to consistently do what you do not want to do.
2-Leadership takes your time. Leading by example, serving others, doing what is right, they all take time. Sometimes, it takes time that you would rather not give. You may find that you give up something you already had planned to meet a need in front of you.
3-Leadership will cost you something. When you stand up for what is right even if you are the only one, there are times that it may cost you a friendship. You may lose your “popularity”. It takes resilience and a strong sense of self to understand that what you are trying to achieve is worth the cost.
4-Leadership is about serving others. It’s not about being in the spotlight. When you notice what others need—especially those in really tough situations—and you do what you can to serve them by helping, sometimes they will thank you and sometimes they won’t. Sometimes others will notice, and other times no one will notice. It takes a clear vision about what you are doing and why you are doing it to get past those times when it feels like what you are doing doesn’t make a difference because no one even notices.
5-Leadership is scary. When you are in the midst of a group of people and something is happening that is wrong, it can be scary to be the only one to say Stop, this isn’t right, to get help, or to walk away. This is the one time you will be noticed when you don’t want to be noticed. Others will not like it when you confront or try to do something about an injustice. It is a risk that leaders take. We have many examples of leaders who have risked their lives to do what they feel is the right thing to do. But leaders lead even when they are afraid. It takes courage.
6-Leadership is necessary. We need leaders in the world. Leaders inspire hope, believe in possibility, pursue goodness, show us a different way, and change the world. Where would the world be without good strong leaders?
Courage is the strength to face pain, act under pressure, and maintain one’s values in the face of opposition. You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt
Most importantly, we also need to teach children, they have what it takes. The qualities they need to be great leaders and change the world are within them and those qualities will be strengthened every single time they take one small step to serve others, to stand up for what is right even if they are the only one, to do what is right even when no one is watching, to count the cost and choose to do it anyway. We all must do the thing we think we cannot do. We must model well what it looks like to do the hard things of leadership.