Have you ever had one of those moments when something that is commonplace to you seems amazing to someone else? There are all sorts of insights you can glean from interacting with strangers in the most unassuming of places.
A woman approached me and my 10-year-old this week as we were leaving our favorite local bagel shop, to say how much she appreciated the way in which my son cleaned up and threw his trash away in what was an overflowing trash can. Basically, he took the time to balance his trash on the top of the pile and then pushed it down with his napkin so that it would not fall on to the floor.
After this brief conversation with a stranger, I had two thoughts, both of which I shared with my son. First, you never know who is watching how you conduct yourself in public. What you do makes a difference. Second, it amazes me what once was considered common practice—cleaning up after yourself—has become the exception to the rule. There was even a sign over the trash can prompting patrons to “Make your mother proud.”
In that moment, my son made me proud.
How did I achieve such a shining moment with a 10-year-old boy? Simple. The mantra in our home is “Leave the space you are using the same as or better than you found it.”
Whether we are parents or teachers, we can easily fall into the habit of nagging children—reminding them to clean up after themselves, pick up the stuff on the floor, throw away their trash, etc. We get frustrated and quite frankly, nagging doesn’t work.
Here’s a thought. If we take a step back and view ‘cleaning up after yourself’ as a skill to be practiced rather than as a rule to be followed, we just might get a different response. One of the reasons we clean up after ourselves is because we have to share space with others, whether they are our family, friends, classmates, colleagues, or strangers in public places.
The next time you have the urge to nag a child to clean up after him or herself, instead ask the child this question, “How can you leave this space the same as or better than you found it?” Notice this question transfers ownership of the problem and the solution to the child.
This also begs the question: Do we model for children what we are asking them to do? As adults, do we leave spaces we use the same as or better than we find them? Remember you never know who is watching, but what we do makes a difference.
And hey, we share the world with approximately 7 1/2 billion people. What if we all left spaces we use at home, in the classroom, in the workplace, and in public, the same as or better than we found them? No matter who we are or where we are, we would make a difference in the world.