So often what children learn is caught rather than taught. Gratitude is one of the skills that is both taught and caught. We teach children to say thank you, but is that enough?
Thankfulness is an expression. Gratitude is deeper. It is an attitude of the heart.
Does it really matter if teachers show gratitude towards their students?
Don’t Take Skill Development for Granted
I often take for granted, that children (my own or my students) should do what I ask simply because I ask. It is easy to forget that they are still learning the skills necessary to do what it is I’m asking. And it is even easier to forget to say ‘thank you’ when they’ve done what I asked.
Strengthen Relationships with Gratitude
In my experience, moments of insight and change come when we have experiences. When we have success practicing a skill and it is reinforced, we feel good inside about what we’ve accomplished. Someone’s expression of gratitude reinforces the skill within us, and often it makes us feel favorably toward the person who noticed.
When children are on the receiving end of gratitude, not only do they experience what gratitude feels like, but the experience of gratitude, according to Dr. Emmons, is also a “relationship-strengthening emotion.”
When we practice an attitude and lifestyle of gratitude—being aware of the good things and being thankful for them—children notice. We model for children what gratitude looks like.
Create Moments with Simple Words
Teachers have the power to create moments for children to experience the power of gratitude and strengthen the teacher-student relationship at the same time, simply by saying ‘thank you.’
Don’t get me wrong. I think teachers don’t hear ‘thank you’ enough for all they do. So much of their work goes unnoticed day in and day out. So what can we thank students for that would make a difference to them and to our work with them?
3 Times to Say ‘Thank You’ to Your Students
1. Thank students for stopping their conversation mid-sentence when they respond to a class cue.
Let your students know that you understand how difficult it is for them to stop talking when you give a class cue. Thank them for stopping their conversation and giving you their attention.
2. Thank students for following a classroom procedure.
Learning how to organize and manage their own space and things is difficult for children through 8th grade.
Let your students know that you understand how difficult it is sometimes for them to remember and keep track of all their assignments and projects. That you understand it takes a lot of practice to organize their supplies, materials, assignments, and projects.
Every so often thank them for completing and turning in their homework, projects, or having their supplies.
3. Thank students for waiting for your attention.
Think about the students in your class that hold their hand up in the air waiting for you to get to them as you move around the classroom helping students one at a time. Or think about the students who have a question and have to wait until you are finished conferencing with another student.
Let your students know that you understand how difficult it is sometimes to wait. Share an experience of when you had to wait a long time and how much you did not like it, but you had to do it anyway.
Then, thank them for waiting.
Be Selective
The key to a positive experience of being on the receiving end of gratitude is that the expression of gratitude is sincere. You must deliver a sincere compliment. Students know the difference between sincerity and manipulation. One strengthens the relationship, the other tears it down.
Selectively find moments that will truly make a difference and watch how your students respond. Dr. Emmons “. . . found that expressing gratitude improves mental, physical and relational well-being. Being grateful also impacts the overall experience of happiness, and these effects tend to be long-lasting.” Why wouldn’t we encourage the expression of gratitude in the classroom with all of these benefits?
Let’s help students “catch” an attitude of gratitude by giving them an experience of being on the receiving end of gratitude, and then we can coach them as they learn to develop an attitude of gratitude in themselves, and deliver sincere compliments of gratefulness to others.