As a society progresses and advances, people can easily fall into the trap of equating “old” with out of date, useless, and irrelevant. This includes technology, business, education, medicine, appliances, and even ideas. Some ideas, however, stand the test of time, and are as relevant today, maybe even more so, as they were circa 450 BC.
I know I’m in the “older” crowd because I am still shocked to hear what comes out of the mouth of even some of the youngest children today. Access to the internet has allowed everyone the opportunity to be exposed to words, images, and ideas at a different level than even 5 years ago. In addition, the widespread ownership and use of smartphones coupled with the anonymity of Apps has made it easy for young people to pass on information about others that is harmful. We used to call it gossip. They have their own words for it.
A Horrible Way to Communicate
Children growing up in a world where adults slam each other readily on social media, engage in smear campaigns, and are entertained by mudslinging, just may be getting some of their ideas from the adults about what effective communication looks like.
What these kids do not understand is how damaging their words are not only to others, but also to themselves.
How can we help?
Teach your children the Triple Filter Test. It may feel out of control and beyond help to reign in the speech. But we can’t give up.
When anyone uses what we consider impolite, rude, or abusive language, although we may not like what they are saying, they are simply trying to communicate. We just need to help them learn how to communicate positively and effectively.
The Triple Filter Test
Here is one way to start. We are going to use the structure of the Triple Filter Test to hold back unwanted words. A filter is a device or material that holds back the unwanted parts as something passes through it. We all have people who approach us and can’t wait to share the latest piece of juicy gossip. When we listen, even if we don’t pass it along, we are allowing someone to gossip to us, which reinforces to the other person that it is okay.
Here’s where the Triple Filter Test comes into play.
As the story goes, someone approached Socrates to tell him something about one of his friends. Socrates stopped him and asked, “Is what you are about to tell me about my friend true?” The man responded that he wasn’t sure. Socrates said, “Okay. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend good?” The man answered, “No.” Socrates gave him one more opportunity to tell him. “Is what you are going to tell me about my friend useful to me?” The man answered, “Not really.”
Socrates eloquently said, “If you aren’t sure that what you want to tell me is true, and it isn’t good, nor is it useful to me, then why tell it to me at all?”
Let’s teach our children and young people about the Triple Filter Test—Truth, Goodness, and Usefulness. It’s a perfect strategy for taking back control and stopping the spread of gossip. Maybe in the process of teaching the children, we just might learn something ourselves.